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‘How to change others’ has 1.6 billion entries on Google. ‘Change myself’ has 800 million entries. I wonder if that indicates anything?
Yes, we tend to focus on other’s problems rather than change myself. How much time do we analyze, criticize, blame or simply talk about others for situations when we ourselves might clearly be equally involved and maybe, if not certainly, equally responsible?
A friend of mine once told me ‘a person who continually criticizes others for something is probably the carrier of that exact same problem’. I started thinking about that and considering it in relation to what I was hearing and you know, I think there’s definitely some truth in that statement.
One aspect of our character that we really need to learn early on in life is that we really can’t modify other people’s behavior very much. We have to start with ourselves. I need to start with me. This is a case for ‘Me First’.
It all starts here with a certain number of elements which I want to enumerate… not necessarily in detail at this point. I want to reveal some questions that come up in such a process. Questions that can inhibit the ‘change myself‘ process.
The Explanation is all about ‘peace and prosperity’ and you know, we can’t expect it in others if we don’t have it in ourselves.
Here is a suggested (not definitive) process to change myself coupled with these interrogations.
- Correct analysis of one’s own situation
- How does one know if s/he’s following the ‘right way’?
- Is there a comparison, a basis from which to depart to know whether an individual’s behavior is right or wrong?
- Openness to hearing that way
- What if someone simply can’t see s/he has such-and-such a problem?
- What if an individual is in denial?
- Reflection and analysis of the right way compared to individual’s own way
- This is a thought process.
- This is an internal, in the mind, realization,
- This is not just analysis of ‘lip service’ but rather of motivations, one’s thoughts and emotions.
- If the building is crooked it might be the walls, but it could very well be the foundation.
- What if someone isn’t ready to look that deep? Even dig around in his/her own dirt?
- Recognition that one’s own way is incorrect
- This is an internal, in the mind, realization.
- Someone could see their own problem and accept it and not want to change.
- Someone could even make it a point of pride. ‘That’s me’, ‘I’m just like that.’
- This is an internal change of direction. Are people ready to look this deep?
- Can individuals be this profound without help? From whom and from where does this help come?
- Abandonnement of wrong way
- This is the first practical step, what I’ve been thinking now becomes practical
- Taking responsibility for one’s own focus in life. Where does the new focus come from?
- Making decisions about one’s own behavior. Can most people make such a turn around?
- Adoption of the right way
- Putting in place new habits, not easy to do over a lengthy period of time.
- Committing oneself to replacing negative practices with positive practices.
- This is money time as they say. How many can reach this point?
- Practice of the right way
- Can it be done alone? ‘an island to oneself?’
- If I need a support group, where do I find one with the same values as I’m trying to apply?
‘Change myself’, and doing that first, certainly is a necessary part of life for all of us. Society and the world won’t transform itself of and by itself. We can decry all the wrongs and ills of others, we’re really powerless in the end and even in the beginning to do much about it. We can be a beacon, an example, a light as some would call it to others. But even then, how do we know that others even consider us a light?! After all, we don’t carry a sign around with us and who decides whether we’re a light or not.
Some might think it’ll rub off on others and maybe there is a certain truth to that, but if it ‘rubs off’, how deeply does it affect the other person? Skin deep or down to the heart? It really needs to go to the ‘heart’ depth to have a lasting impact.
Many years ago there was a slogan going around that if 1% of mankind meditated then humanity would change. That always struck me as rather simplistic in its enunciation. So, what you’re saying is 99% of the world would be affected by a mere 1%… and we’d have more peace and prosperity. That wasn’t how I saw it and I had no evidence to back that up. How do you see it?
And yet, the only way transformation can happen is starting with ourselves.
In reality, how much of this ‘Change Myself’ is taking place? How much is it being propagated and taught?
World awareness, peace and prosperity can only come about when we all go through this process. I’d like to hear your take on where you feel the world and our seven billion ‘individuals’ are in coming to grips with themselves.
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