The couple relationship between human beings is the foundation on which human society rises or falls. The ability of a male and a female to combine their capacities, complement each other in their family life endeavors is the mark of a solid society.
(Audit of Humankind chapter 3.5)
We’re discussing the structure of human society, the relationship between human beings, locally and internationally. We’ve discussed the equality of human beings and that humanity is composed of two compatible genders. The basis is that the only way to procreate is for two individuals, one of each gender, to come together. Last week we discussed the formation of such couples. Dating, engagement, courtship, bride, and groom. This leads to marriage and husband and wife.
Marriage is a milestone decision and a life-changer in the life of an individual. From a social relationship point-of-view, an individual human being now becomes a couple. This couple relationship is the next structure in human society.
Depending on traditions, culture, religion and other aspects, a couple relationship of human beings is formed differently. Contracts and officialization of two individuals becoming a couple vary. But the outcome is one and one become a twosome. A couple relationship is born. This is a celebratory, festive event. Marriage generally has a formal vow-taking ceremony. Promises of making him or her the unique and special mate forever are exchanged. A marriage is the beginning of a commitment, through the ups-and-downs of life, hand-in-hand, for better-or-worse. The couple doesn’t know what life is going to throw them, but together they are decided on facing it side-by-side as a husband-wife unit.
Like romantic attraction, engagement and courtship nobody knows the origin of marriage, let alone its significance. We know it’s a new step in the build-up of human society, but what is its real value? In the context of Audit of the Universe, we can question the seriousness today’s society places on the institution of marriage and the importance we place on both preparation and preservation of marriage. In the book Origin of the Universe, I will answer the question, why marriage.
The role-models of today, those men and women, singles, couples, and married who hit the headlines, don’t always do so for the right relational reasons. Separation and divorce are now accepted ways of life. I was just reading about the short length (5-18 years) of the average marriage in various cities. This is accompanied with the up-to 50 percent national divorce rates. Doha’s marriage length is a paltry 5.5 years, amazing, France has a whopping 55 percent divorce rate, amazing.
The point being the house of human society and human relationships are as strong as their weakest link. Are individuals getting stronger or weaker? Are gender questions becoming clearer or murkier? Are dating practices tending towards more or less maturity? Think about what’s happening in the couple relationship arena.
Realistically but unfortunately separation and divorce rates are increasing and this doesn’t bode well for the stability of human society. I leave it up to you to consider where social relationships are headed. But, I want to turn right side up, the fundamental puzzle piece involved in the cohesion of couple relationship in a marriage.
What glues a couple together in marriage?
Today all sorts of research into how the couple relationship works and evolves takes place. We investigate, inside and out, all the psychological facets to do with human relationships. Marriage is no exception. Here’s a general conclusion from an article, 6 Certain Signs of Being in Love, in Psychology Today magazine.
While research psychologists search for more elements of the ever-elusive equation that defines love and being in love, findings to date suggest that both emotional and cognitive factors play a part. In other words, affective reactions matter, but so do decisions, such as commitment decisions, in determining if you’ve found lasting love.
Two factors are featured: emotional and cognitive. This pair is capital. Let’s make it more real: happiness and maturity, contentment and security, feelings and knowledge, being on a cloud and having your feet on the ground. Let’s get to the nitty-gritty, sex and stability, body satisfaction and mental fulfillment. A marriage isn’t all romantic love or all platonic love. It isn’t all sex or all mental coherence.
A rewarding marriage is the meeting of two bodies AND two minds.
In general, males focus on the body – the sex. Women focus on the mind – the conversation, for example. Notice that I say in general because, of course, these roles can be inverted. Marriage is the balanced presence of both the physical and mental aspects of life. When they are both present, both the male and female are content.A rewarding marriage is the meeting of two bodies AND two minds. Marriage is the balanced presence of both the physical and mental aspects of life. When they are both present, both the male and female are content. Click To Tweet
Follow the aging process of a couple of married lovers. In their younger years, the passion will dominate. There’ll always be a difference between the male and female appetite but they’ll both be eager to eat together. As the routine of day-to-day life and the arrival of kids and child-rearing come on the scene the passion diminishes. It gives way to a more mature mutual appreciation which, of course, includes sex.
Then the children grow up and leave the nest. It’s couple, male and female, again. Is the flame still alive? Yes, but the physical might not be (generally isn’t) what it used to be. It’ll always be present but that part of the marriage will diminish with age. This is a physiological part of the body that we have tried to retard, as much as possible, with blue pills.
What about the mental progression of a happy couple. A quick resume. Upon marriage, our two individuals have goals and aspirations for their lives. They’ve discussed their preferred professional trajectory, their cultural and musical tastes. their reading and mental development pursuits. Where they’re hoping to be in 5 years, 10 years… They’ve discussed children, childrearing and are supportive one of the other.
Their coupled lives are going to be an adventure and adventures are unpredictable. You can discuss it all you want, curve balls will throw you off track. Sickness, setbacks, accidents cause a change of direction. Nothing is written in stone when it comes to a couple’s future. But mentally, the male can lean on the female’s capacity and wisdom and the female can lean on the male’s capacity and wisdom. They are equal. They are different but complementary. With their compatibility, this couple is in for some good times, some really good times.
As the sex, not the closeness, diminishes with age so the mental closeness, the combined accomplishment, mental togetherness has grown immensely. The male and female want each other because they share life, experiences, memories, difficulties, triumphs. They know what each other is thinking and they are happy and warm inside.
Why are this marriage and couple-aging scenario worldwide … in spite of the humungous differences in cultures, practices, beliefs, and traditions of individuals and nations? Is there something about this process that is very special? The answers to those questions will be forthcoming in Origin of the Universe.As the sex, not the closeness, diminishes with age so the mental closeness, the combined accomplishment, mental togetherness has grown immensely. The male and female want each other because they share life. Click To Tweet
The physical oneness has been accompanied by a mental, spiritual, psychological oneness. In fact, in harmonious old couples, the mental togetherness has even surpassed the physical togetherness.
Marriage is not only the meeting of two bodies. Good sex is essential but it is an ingredient, it’s more than the icing on the cake but it is not the glue that holds a marriage together. The glue is the meeting of two minds that bind a marriage and turn the couple into a single unit.Marriage is not only the meeting of two bodies. Good sex is an ingredient, but it is not the glue that holds a marriage together. The glue is the meeting of two minds that bind a marriage and turn the couple into a single unit. Click To Tweet
There is inspiration, beauty, serenity, marvel in an old couple that we all want to identify with. The outer beauty and handsomeness have disappeared, the sexual passion is well diminished, if not gone, but their inner mutual minds are brimful, overflowing with the togetherness of their love. Such elderly couples are solid pillars, standing strong, beacons to human society.
This blog post is an excerpt from chapter 3.5 of the book Audit of Humankind.
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